Saturday, January 14, 2012

Thursday, October 14, 2010

In the morning I was still not feeling well from the Morphine that I was given from my spinal and it was difficult to get up just to go to the bathroom without feeling like I was going to toss my cookies. I was pleasantly surprised over the pain situation though. I went through so much pain the next day after having Anthony and for several days afterward. But the recovery with the girls was surprisingly easy and not very painful at all. The main goal that the nurse put up on the wall for me that day was to feel better so that I could go and see my girls. Cisco was there when I woke up and stayed there through the morning and mid afternoon because I was still in and out of sleep. He told me the weight and length of the girls and I was just glad to hear that they were doing well and I wanted to go and see them. It was later in the afternoon that day when I was feeling well enough to go and see the girls. I got loaded up into the wheelchair and Cisco took me to go and see my girls.

It was so hard to go and see my babies. The first one that I saw was Catherine. She had the darkest hair and Cisco had won the bet for sure that they would have a full head of hair, cause they all did. She had so many wires and tubes hooked up to her. She looked so small. I just couldn't believe it. She had umbilical lines coming out of her belly button to monitor, as well as a little wire stuck to her with a little gold bear sticker to monitor her temperature. She was surrounded by her little "frog" pillows (which are like little bean bag pillows that snuggle them to simulate being in the womb) There were monitors for everything, several bags of medicine, and I know the nurse was explaining everything to me and telling me what everything was for but I didn't hear much of it. I was just heartbroken that I couldn't hold my baby girl. I NEEDED to hold her...but I couldn't. She wasn't ready to be held and she needed to rest.

Cisco wheeled me over to Cecilia and she was a bit smaller than Catherine. Everything was the same with her as it was with Catherine, but she got to bunk next to Charlie which was nice that they were close to eachother. Charlie was the smallest and the doctor said that she had a little fight to go still cause she was the sickest of the 3. Charlie was on a breathing machine to help her because she was having a hard time doing it herself. I cried a little when seeing Catherine and Cecilia but I was just tore up looking at Charlie. I wanted to break open that box take her out and hold her for hours upon hours. She was my tiny miracle. She was my baby that I knew right away what I wanted to name her. She was my baby that stayed up with me on those late graveyard nights dancing to the Beatles music that I would play for her. She was bullied out by her big sister and she wasn't ready to come out at all. I was so scared that things would get worse before they got better but the doctors and nurses as well as my husband kept telling me that I had to stay strong for my girls and that I had to be optimistic and think good thoughts. I had to use the time that I had in the hospital to focus on getting better so that I can come and see my girls more and more and spend more time with them. The only good side to being stuck in that hospital for 4 days was that I could go and see my girls when ever I wanted to go and whenever I was up to it.