New Chapter

I have not posted in quite some time. A lot has changed since the last post I did 2 years ago. The girls are now 5 and about to enter into Kindergarten this fall. What an experience that shall be. I recently put them back into Pre-school so they can get back into the groove of things. Should be nice and interesting to find out what they tell their daddy when he goes to pick them up from school as well. I have made quite an awesome school lunch menu for them for when they start school and I am planning on posting those as well as ingredients and photos of putting them together. It should be really fun and I hope everyone enjoys the posts as much as I will enjoy doing them! I look forward to posting more and letting everyone know how things are going. Until next time!

Tipping Point...

These girls have me at mine. They are three...there fight all...THE TIME. There are times where they get along so well. They don't fight they love one another and are very harmonious. It's just delightful. However, those days and times are so far and in between that it cancels it all out. I am brought near tears all too often. They don't come out very often, I hold it all in. I know that I shouldn't. I know that I should let it out...make it rain. But I can't. All too often there are other things going on and other tasks to be dealing with at the time, so I always decide that I will wait for a later time to let it all out. It doesn't end up happening. Most days (today in particular) I dislike my girls. I know that there are people that would gasp at a mom saying such a thing. One must remember that I will always love them with everything that I have but, there are many days where I just don't like them. It feels like the fighting and everything else that they do is on purpose. To try and push me and see how far it can go until I just snap and either go running out the door or locking them in a closet. None of the things have happened, except for running out of the door but my teenagers were here to take over so no harm. There are so many times that I want to find those moms that had twins when my girls were small and would always tell me how fast it all goes by and how you "don't remember" since you are always so busy and it gets easier as they get older. Well you are full of s*#t. I remember every single moment from birth. I am busy and that adds to the annoyance of the constant fighting and arguing, it doesn't get easier at all. Who are these people that say such things?! I know that the biggest difference is that they have 2 as opposed to 3. So many are quick to say that it's like having three cause I have a toddler and babies that are twins, they are close in age so it's like having triplets...hell no it's not. I'm not saying it's not hard, but it's not the same AT ALL...stop saying it. I wish to God that it did get easier as they got older and maybe when they are like 8 it will be, but I don't see it happening for a very long time. I haven't written here in a long time and maybe that is the problem. I need an avenue to get all the crap out on and I can't do it to my 2 teenagers, the triplets or my husband so I guess on here is the best way to do it. Every night my prayer is the same...please let the girls sleep through the night in their own room, please let the next day go smooth with as little fighting as possible and please let them be kind to each other and everyone else in the house. There are times when my prayer is answered and there are many, many, many, many more in which they are not. I try to find the silver lining in things often, because that is all that I can do. But there are some days when the screaming, the fighting, the crying...all of it, on top of what ever the teenagers are fighting or upset about just gets to be too much, then it is impossible to find the silver lining. I relish the evenings when they are finally winding down and don't have the energy to scream at the top of their lungs...that is when they are ready to just sit there and be quiet. Maybe tomorrow will be easier, maybe tomorrow they will take a nap and make it a little easier, maybe tomorrow they will realize they are sisters and be kind to one another. I doubt it.

Charlie...

I'm at work. I am physically sick to my stomach right now with worry and hurt. My baby has been having issues with her intestines and poop for a few months now. Every time we go to the doctor and he starts her on a regimen of laxatives or other medicines that are supposed to be helping her they do... for a while and then we are back to square one again. I cannot even concentrate today. I don't know why I even came in cause work is the farthest thing in my mind right now. I just want this doctor to call me back and let me know what her blood work results are. Our regular doctor had her on miralax for a while and that helped a little. She still landed in the ER 3 times in between from that. So when that happened he decided that going back to her Gastrointernologist would be a good idea. Initially he wanted her to get a Colonoscopy and see if there was anything that they could see as well as taking a biopsy of tissue in the colon to see if she had a disease of the intestines. When going to the GI doctor he said it wouldn't be necessary to do that test. So instead he had ordered blood work to check for Celiac Disease and put her on Milk of Magnesia once a day instead. It seemed to do the trick. No more issues with constipation, no pain when pooping...nothing. Yesterday she started again with all the same skin cringing symptoms. Screaming, crying and bending over trying to go but couldn't. Her crying in pain tears me apart, because there is nothing that I can do to ease her pain. Her belly blew up like a balloon and caused her even more pain. In the past she had balls of poop stuck in her intestines and there would be pockets of gas stuck in between, which would cause her a great deal of pain. The three times before when she was in the ER she was given an enema as well as xrays to see what was going on since they were scared of a bowel obstruction. Finally at 10:30pm I decided to make our 4th trip to the ER for her to get some relief. I didn't know what else to do. Her xrays showed no poop, just lots of gas stuck in her body that was not being released. The doctor ordered another enema to make sure that there was no poop that was blocking the escape of the gas. Nope, hardly anything came out of her. Still in pain, but with the answers that I had there was no reason to stay at the ER just to wait for her to fart. So we left and since I know what I was looking for in the way of a bowel obstruction I felt confident on taking her home. When we got home all the screaming she had done before started again. I gave her the script for the antispaztic medicine that he gave me and eventually she settled down enough to fall asleep and that was at 2am. Her dad stayed downstairs with her and said that she had a big poop and lots of gas come out in the middle of the night. When she crawled into bed with me this morning she looked much better. He tummy had deflated and she was in a bit of a better mood, although tired I'm sure for not getting good sleep that night. Before leaving for work this morning she started up again though with crying and saying that she was in pain. I'm now at work left wondering if her tummy is filling up with gas again. I decided to make a call into the GI doctor and ask / demand that they give me whatever test results that they have so that I can start doing something about her diet if it does come back as Celiac disease. If it's not that then I will be at my wits end. It cannot simply be a case of constipation. There has to be something more, it feels like there is something more. I hate this so much because I feel so helpless. I am trying to help her, but it feels like I'm doing nothing. I just don't know what my next step is supposed to be. I just want an answer so that I can help and ease her pain. She is the smallest of the three and from the very start she had the roughest time. We thought we were over all the obstacles concerning their bodies, but she is the only one that we are having the most trouble with. If anyone has any suggestions or tips or have been in the same situation and have come to some kind of resolution please let me know.

It's Not Always Fulfulling...

Sitting here drinking coffee looking back on the long long night before. I'm tired, Charlie was miserable with constipation yesterday. Screaming and pain ensued and so did a trip to the ER, this was the second trip within a few weeks for the same thing. This time around I'm pretty sure she screamed more than last time. Last time she had an IV put in on top of the two enemas that they gave her. Based on that experience the last time I'm not surprised. Non stop screaming, and trying to talk to my husband and the doctor at the same time just wears on my nerves. We were out of there around 10pm after getting there around 6, which isn't too bad. Two enemas and some meds later we were out of there and of course Charlie was demanding cookies. So we stopped at the store and got some bunny graham crackers and in the middle of the store she bends over and screams in pain. I knew this was going to happen but with the non stop begging for the cookies I gave in since she had been through so much that night already. The least I could do was to appease her and buy some graham crackers as a reward of sorts. While trying to check out she screams some more and with full hands (holding Charlie, purse, crackers and her baby doll) I am stopped by the checker asking if she would like a cookie and in my most polite voice that I can muster I inform her that my baby is sick and I'm trying to get home fast so that she's not more miserable than she already is. This woman wanted to rub her back and say sweet things to her, which is nice, but I was trying to get the hell out of there. Since I was starving and hadn't eaten anything that night I stopped by a drive thru window and while waiting my turn to order food I was looking into the restaurant and saw all types of different people eating. I was wondering at first who would want to go to Del Taco at 10:00 at night and sit and eat. Then I started to envy them. To be able to drop everything or to have been out at a movie and then decide with your friends or your husband/boyfriend "I'm hungry lets go eat something". I'm just assuming that there were no big responsibilities holding them down at home to be able to do this. Whenever I want to do this with my husband the question is always if there was going to be someone willing to stay with the girls and what time were we supposed to be back. But the biggest part that tore at me was seeing these teenagers in there sitting. I was just thinking back on when I was in high school and while listening to Charlie scream in the back of my mini van, I wondered to myself how in the hell I got to where I was now. If I could look back 15 years I know that I would never have seen myself with two teenagers and a set of triplets on my hands. I'm happy with my life mostly but, there are many times that I am more depressed and unhappy about the way things are unfolding than anything. This was definitely one of those moments. Getting home and situated with questions firing from my mom and the big kids plus Charlie screaming and crying is when I realized that I had forgot all of the paperwork that the nurse gave me with the prescriptions attached at the hospital. This was the point that I was ready to put a gun to my head, cause I just couldn't take much more. I called my husband to see about picking it up on his way home from work and also went through the web of transfers to get a hold of the ER nurse that helped us to see where I may have left it at. She was so nice and found it at the front desk for me. While trying to calm Charlie down and make her happy my mom was nice enough to offer to sit with Charlie and hold her so that I could go back to the hospital and get her prescriptions filled and I wouldn't have been too worried about it but she was still trying to poop since there was still some stuck in there. This medicine was going to help with her little colon that was out of control. So off to the hospital again and then to the pharmacy to get it all filled. Thankfully my son went with me to help with keeping me sane. I'm glad he did because he knows me so well. My daughter has such concern over the girls that she would have asked about the hospital and Charlie, which would be ok. But in that very moment I needed a release of sorts. My son is good at changing the subject and making a joke of everything so it was nice to have that small break. Upon getting home I was shoved back to reality, cause now it was time to give the damn medicine to Charlie and that was just great fun since there was a huge amount to give her. I was so tired at this point though, I wasn't mad or upset or overly miserable anymore. I was just ready for something to work on her, she was the miserable one and I just wanted her to be happy and I was so glad when my husband came home because it's always nice to have someone there that knows the deal, someone else there that can hold the baby and that the baby will be happy with. My brain was just done, and after giving her all the medicine I could hear it working in her belly and she was pushing gas out left and right which was helping with the pressure and in turn she was starting to sleep longer without interruptions. Off to bed I went while he stayed with her...now we are all up and when I came downstairs she was happy, talking and playing. I'm so relieved. Now to start a new day and hopefully not one filled with drama and misery.

Now We Begin...

It's been a horribly long time since I have updated anything on here and it is because...well, there are triplets to blame for that. They will be 3 in a few months and that is just plain crazy to me. I need a vacation...I need a vacation without kids, with my husband and to somewhere other than were we currently live. California somewhere is always a favorite. But things are tight. Too tight to mention, especially when you have to choose between bills and food sometimes. It sucks, I'm working more which is good but the girls make that hard as well. I can't think of anything else to say except for to whine about what is going on so I'll stop right now and continue on another day...maybe post a few pics too.

Pretty Sure I'm Going To Go Crazy

Yep it's official, I have fallen off the deep end. I am so over all these kids. Been feeling that way for a while. One doesn't know how to say anything that makes sense or that doesn't sound idiotic, one can't stop talking about kissing a boy and the other three, well the don't stop fighting and screaming. My nerves are shot. I think of ways that I can land myself in the hospital for a few days, just to escape all of it. Worries me a bit but that's how fed up I am and how desprate I am for an escape. Nothing that will cause serious harm, just maybe something that will need a few days observation perhaps. Right now it's Cecilia. They were all playing nicely and then it all hit the fan. Cecilia bit Kitty in an attempt to make her go away when all Kitty was doing was what I asked and that was to push Cici around. Then it all unravelled from there. So I decided it was nap time. Nothing a good nap can't fix. That was half an hour ago and Cici won't stop screaming. I refuse to go up there cause then they all will wake up and I might as well just get them all out of bed and deal with the aftermath of angry and tired two year olds. No thank you, I'll pass. I'm really hoping that my sister in law gets here soon so I can get the hell out of here and be alone though. My husband works days all week, which would usually make me so elated, but the way these girls are behaving I dread it. My skin cringes and my stomach churns at the thought of being here all day to deal with the wrath of these females. It's slowly killing me, I can feel it. I just know it.

I'm Pooped

I am exhausted. Between these babies and the teenagers, I'm about tapped out. I need some serious alone time, a few days away. Something. But I don't see that happening any time soon, which is killing me. Since the girls have officially entered the terrible twos they have made it known. Fighting, screaming, crying for no reason, pulling hair and hitting. Just sets my nerves on edge. The husbands fluctuating schedule isn't helping. These girls have the ultimate PMS symptoms I swear. So happy and snugly and then not even two minutes later throwing themselves on the floor and screaming at a piece of lint. When I see these behaviors sometimes I get worried, could it be something deeper that the doctors haven't picked up on. Is it something that is developing now? I'm sure that I am just worrying about something that isn't even there. I just never had to deal with the 2's with Anthony so this part is all new for me. I'm just over the screaming and bad moods. When I said I wanted to be a stay at home mom I thought it would be much much easier! I guess it's never that easy with triplets.