Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I Think I'm In For One Hell Of A Ride...

The girls' teeth seem to be all coming in at once which equals bitchy x3. They are so temperamental right now. Someone bumps into the other one and it ignites a firestorm. It's horrible, at times it's hard not to laugh at the reactions and then at others I want to pull my hair out cause I just feel like I can't handle the whining and crying and the fighting, oh the fighting.

They hit one another, pull hair, bite scratch and just plain attack one another. I don't know what to do about this at all. Half the time all I can do is throw my hands in the air and move to the other room.

I got lucky with Anthony, he was so good. Not really a temper tantrum kind of kid. I know that I'm dealing with three GIRLS and there is all kinds of jealousy and stuff but still.

My hair is growing whiter just thinking about the next couple years.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

How I Wish Sometimes...

I wish so much sometimes for my old life to be back. The kids were in Jr. High School and we were starting to think of foreign vacations and cruises with them or just by ourselves.

Then triplets came. We knew it was going to be hard and we knew that all the help that people were throwing at us (all words mind you) would never come along (and for the most part it hasn't. Nothing but broken promises and excuses. We said from then on, never to rely on anyone and it's us against the world. I have learnt to adapt to the new lifestyle, I guess: it's tough, Cisco is gone, the kids help but only so much since they have to take time to be kids too. So for the most part it's me. Me to do the majority of the things around here. Babies from 7:30 - 8am Cisco helps with (excluding weekends of course). But from about noon I'm running solo. Naps (if I'm lucky) then lunch, breaking up fights, and entertaining. All this while stealing moments for laundry, dishes, cleaning the always messy floor and prepping for dinner. If I'm lucky enough to eat then there are baths before I'm usually done eating, since the girls throw all the food on the floor and then proceed to ask for a bath. Then more entertaining but at this point I'm dealing with fussy, moody little females so then it's just counting down until bed time.

You would think that 8:30 - 9pm would offer a much needed repreve. Nope about 5 nights out of 7 I'm dealing with what is going on right now...screaming. Babies waking up every hour cause they want to be held, rocked and snuggled. That would be all fine and nice if it was one baby and every once and a while. No its all three every few hours and let me tell you...especially if you have never experienced it, it starts to wear on your nerves a bit. It makes me wonder why I said yes to 3. Why did I have to wish to have another baby. I miss my job, I miss sleeping at night, I miss making dinner in peace, I miss taking a shower without feeling like I'm racing a clock, I miss siting down in the morning and enjoying my coffee.

Instead my job is here, I sleep but so badly that I may as well stay up all night, I have three girls screaming at me while I cook and try to avoid slipping and falling on toys in the process & did i mention breaking up two bickering teenagers, I take a shower so fast I wash my hair twice forgetting I did it once and the second time is usually with face wash or shaving cream, I need to guard my coffee so no one walks off with it and spills it everywhere or burns themselves.

I'm just so burnt out at this point. I need a vacation. Away from everyone, away from teenagers, babies and my husband. He offers for me to do it all the time, and I always swear I am going to, but then I get started and head out the door. I get to my destination and miss my husband and think how I wish it was easy for us to find a babysitter like normal people who have one baby so that he could join me and we could be together. I miss the big kids because it's so much fun to play around with them and have them around to talk with since in a few years they will be gone and moved out, and I miss my babies. I end up forgetting about all the crap that happens all week, the fighting, the fussiness, the not sleeping all of it. Instead I start thinking about the smiles and laughs, the giggles and the milestones that they have and I miss them terribly and I feel guilty for feeling like I need a day or two to get away. The whole point of me being alone to sleep all night doesn't happen cause I hear crying in the middle of the night and wake up to nothing in the room but me.

I do love my girls, I love my kids and my husband. But I feel like a single mom with the weight of the world on me and it gets to be a bit too much.