Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Pretty Sure I'm Going To Go Crazy

Yep it's official, I have fallen off the deep end. I am so over all these kids. Been feeling that way for a while. One doesn't know how to say anything that makes sense or that doesn't sound idiotic, one can't stop talking about kissing a boy and the other three, well the don't stop fighting and screaming. My nerves are shot. I think of ways that I can land myself in the hospital for a few days, just to escape all of it. Worries me a bit but that's how fed up I am and how desprate I am for an escape. Nothing that will cause serious harm, just maybe something that will need a few days observation perhaps. Right now it's Cecilia. They were all playing nicely and then it all hit the fan. Cecilia bit Kitty in an attempt to make her go away when all Kitty was doing was what I asked and that was to push Cici around. Then it all unravelled from there. So I decided it was nap time. Nothing a good nap can't fix. That was half an hour ago and Cici won't stop screaming. I refuse to go up there cause then they all will wake up and I might as well just get them all out of bed and deal with the aftermath of angry and tired two year olds. No thank you, I'll pass. I'm really hoping that my sister in law gets here soon so I can get the hell out of here and be alone though. My husband works days all week, which would usually make me so elated, but the way these girls are behaving I dread it. My skin cringes and my stomach churns at the thought of being here all day to deal with the wrath of these females. It's slowly killing me, I can feel it. I just know it.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

I'm Pooped

I am exhausted. Between these babies and the teenagers, I'm about tapped out. I need some serious alone time, a few days away. Something. But I don't see that happening any time soon, which is killing me. Since the girls have officially entered the terrible twos they have made it known. Fighting, screaming, crying for no reason, pulling hair and hitting. Just sets my nerves on edge. The husbands fluctuating schedule isn't helping. These girls have the ultimate PMS symptoms I swear. So happy and snugly and then not even two minutes later throwing themselves on the floor and screaming at a piece of lint. When I see these behaviors sometimes I get worried, could it be something deeper that the doctors haven't picked up on. Is it something that is developing now? I'm sure that I am just worrying about something that isn't even there. I just never had to deal with the 2's with Anthony so this part is all new for me. I'm just over the screaming and bad moods. When I said I wanted to be a stay at home mom I thought it would be much much easier! I guess it's never that easy with triplets.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Catherine...baby A, big sister to the trio. She was the first out of the hospital and officially the first to turn 2 over the weekend. She is the "superstar" when it comes to developing. She has a bigger vocabulary, can do more things and can handle her own a little better. She is so independent and vocal. She looks after the "twins" for the most part. If they are sad, sick or get hurt she is the first one to go to them and help out, even if that means giving them a cup of milk or a baby doll. She will hold their hand and bring them to me if I ask her to, she will help out picking things up if I ask and she is the one that likes to sit and cuddle me. Catherine and I have a bond. She is my mini me. I think it's because she was breast fed and the first home. She got more one on one time and more of a bonding experience. There is just a special little place in my heart for her. I'm having so much fun watching her grow and learn things. You can see her brain working constantly. She is always repeating things and watching so that she can learn, learn, learn. It's crazy to see how independent she is! She can go and play by herself and be perfectly happy for the longest time. It's just sad when she tries to break into the twins playing because they have a bond of their own it seems and she is just trying to fit in sometimes. Maybe that is another reason for the bond, knowing that she loves her sisters and they love her, but sometimes they do their own thing and she is roaming alone, so we sit and visit and love on eachother while they do their thing, or I go and play with them too so that the playing field is equal. The world of triplets is quite a crazy one, which leaves me longing for a quiet evening of doing nothing. But, on the other side most of the time, I can't do it. There is laundry, dishes, picking up toys, making sure the teenagers are taken care of as well as the dog. Doing nothing feels strange. I feel like there is something missing when I'm just sitting there doing nothing, lets take right now for instance...I should be relaxing and enjoying the evening. But no, I am on the computer while I wait for the girls' laundry to be done so I can fold them. Did I mention that I need to wake up at 4am to take my parents to the airport in the morning?

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

A Break...

Time to take a break from the triplets and just everyday life. We went to Lake Tahoe in late June and that left me even more exhausted than before. The 9 hour drive with 3 babies and 2 teenagers starts to wear on you after the first hour.

So when I had decided to take Anthony on a trip with just the two of us (since Olivia spent her birthday in New York with just me) he picked Disneyland. Even though we drove and it's close it came out to about the same amount of money nearly!

I must confess I am a Disney girl through and through. Always have been. I was fortunate enough to have a family that was able to take my brother and I nearly every year or so and my mom loves Disneyland so that helped. I cry (or come close) every time I get near the gates to enter. Just like a little kid I'm full of excitement. I cry during the fireworks and other parades and shows from pure happiness. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I was drawn to tears today when I saw a little girl being sang to by an all female mariachi group, one of the women knelt down to her and sang "Kiss the Girl" from Little Mermaid. I love the fact that the people that work here go out of their way to make your day special. It's clean and I don't know how anyone could be mad or angry when they are here. I want my kids to experience the same thing as I had as a little kid, even with having 5 kids it just takes more planning and some extra saving, but my girls will know the happiness that comes with being here. Disneyland is the only place that I never care how much soda, ice cream, candy or even churros they have. As far as I am concerned its all a part of the experience. "oh you want a hat with your name on it? Sure!". "you want an ice cream sundae at 10am and you refused to eat breakfast?! Sure!". Ask me for the world while we are here and I'm pretty much ok with making that desire come true as well. I love being here, it will never change.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I Think I'm In For One Hell Of A Ride...

The girls' teeth seem to be all coming in at once which equals bitchy x3. They are so temperamental right now. Someone bumps into the other one and it ignites a firestorm. It's horrible, at times it's hard not to laugh at the reactions and then at others I want to pull my hair out cause I just feel like I can't handle the whining and crying and the fighting, oh the fighting.

They hit one another, pull hair, bite scratch and just plain attack one another. I don't know what to do about this at all. Half the time all I can do is throw my hands in the air and move to the other room.

I got lucky with Anthony, he was so good. Not really a temper tantrum kind of kid. I know that I'm dealing with three GIRLS and there is all kinds of jealousy and stuff but still.

My hair is growing whiter just thinking about the next couple years.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

How I Wish Sometimes...

I wish so much sometimes for my old life to be back. The kids were in Jr. High School and we were starting to think of foreign vacations and cruises with them or just by ourselves.

Then triplets came. We knew it was going to be hard and we knew that all the help that people were throwing at us (all words mind you) would never come along (and for the most part it hasn't. Nothing but broken promises and excuses. We said from then on, never to rely on anyone and it's us against the world. I have learnt to adapt to the new lifestyle, I guess: it's tough, Cisco is gone, the kids help but only so much since they have to take time to be kids too. So for the most part it's me. Me to do the majority of the things around here. Babies from 7:30 - 8am Cisco helps with (excluding weekends of course). But from about noon I'm running solo. Naps (if I'm lucky) then lunch, breaking up fights, and entertaining. All this while stealing moments for laundry, dishes, cleaning the always messy floor and prepping for dinner. If I'm lucky enough to eat then there are baths before I'm usually done eating, since the girls throw all the food on the floor and then proceed to ask for a bath. Then more entertaining but at this point I'm dealing with fussy, moody little females so then it's just counting down until bed time.

You would think that 8:30 - 9pm would offer a much needed repreve. Nope about 5 nights out of 7 I'm dealing with what is going on right now...screaming. Babies waking up every hour cause they want to be held, rocked and snuggled. That would be all fine and nice if it was one baby and every once and a while. No its all three every few hours and let me tell you...especially if you have never experienced it, it starts to wear on your nerves a bit. It makes me wonder why I said yes to 3. Why did I have to wish to have another baby. I miss my job, I miss sleeping at night, I miss making dinner in peace, I miss taking a shower without feeling like I'm racing a clock, I miss siting down in the morning and enjoying my coffee.

Instead my job is here, I sleep but so badly that I may as well stay up all night, I have three girls screaming at me while I cook and try to avoid slipping and falling on toys in the process & did i mention breaking up two bickering teenagers, I take a shower so fast I wash my hair twice forgetting I did it once and the second time is usually with face wash or shaving cream, I need to guard my coffee so no one walks off with it and spills it everywhere or burns themselves.

I'm just so burnt out at this point. I need a vacation. Away from everyone, away from teenagers, babies and my husband. He offers for me to do it all the time, and I always swear I am going to, but then I get started and head out the door. I get to my destination and miss my husband and think how I wish it was easy for us to find a babysitter like normal people who have one baby so that he could join me and we could be together. I miss the big kids because it's so much fun to play around with them and have them around to talk with since in a few years they will be gone and moved out, and I miss my babies. I end up forgetting about all the crap that happens all week, the fighting, the fussiness, the not sleeping all of it. Instead I start thinking about the smiles and laughs, the giggles and the milestones that they have and I miss them terribly and I feel guilty for feeling like I need a day or two to get away. The whole point of me being alone to sleep all night doesn't happen cause I hear crying in the middle of the night and wake up to nothing in the room but me.

I do love my girls, I love my kids and my husband. But I feel like a single mom with the weight of the world on me and it gets to be a bit too much.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Being Tested...

The girls have the stomach flu...or a 24 hour bug. I'm not sure which and I don't think it really matters. Cecilia started a few days ago and we thought it had something to do with her not being able to go poop. Well her trying to throw up went away mostly yesterday and I thought we were done and over with the episodes. But then last night it started all over again with Kitty. I went in their room to see why she was crying and she had thrown up all over her bed, so off to the bathroom for a quick wash down. We bunked downstairs last night. Big blanket and a towels all over that. Poor Kitty threw up all night and was just spent from her little body doing all that work. Cecilia pooped all over herself and her bed last night a few hours later, which meant another trip to the bathtub for another wash down. Then down came Cici to hang out with us. Several towels later and a few changes of clothes, Kitty started having less dry heaves less often. 5am...that was when I finally got to bed. I felt bad leaving Cisco with the girls while I went to bed since he had just gotten home from work, but if I had any chance of doing it all during the day and while he went to work today then I had to get some sleep.

When I woke up a short 4 hours later Kitty seemed like she was doing much much better as well as Cecilia. Not too long after I was happy and thinking we were over it Charlie started. I was in the middle of changing Cici's bed and heard Charlie trying to throw up. UUUGGGGHHHHH....I got happy way too soon.

So now here I sit with Charlie on the side of me hoping that she doesn't get sick throughout the night, but my fingers are starting to hurt from crossing them so hard.

The kids had asked lastnight if they could camp out in the family room last night and I almost said no, but then the girls started getting sick and I was so glad I said yes, cause then they wouldn't have been able to help me cause they would have been asleep sooner. I am so glad they were both home, they were great. Helped with everything. I just have to figure out what to do for them to thank them for pulling an all nighter with me. Back in the day I would have told them that they could skip a day of school but I can't do that anymore...especially since Anthony needs to work on his grades. Well I'm sure I'll think of something.

I think these past two days have tested my patience to the point of nearly breaking me. I'm exhausted, the babies are cranky and moody and cannot be consoled. They cry cause they want to be picked up, but then they cry cause they want to be put down, then they want juice, then they don't. They don't know what they want and they make sure that I know it. When 10pm hit and Kitty and Cici were screaming and didn't want to go to bed but didn't want to lay down downstairs either that was it for me. I stuck them in their beds, bid them good night and was done. I just couldn't take it any more. I didn't care if they cried for hours upon hours, I just had to do something with them. It's funny cause it took all of 10 minutes for them to quiet down.

I guess this shouldn't come to much of a surprise to me, for God's sake there ARE 3 of them. I guess it is just something I better get used to.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

What to do what to do...

with all these clothes and other things that the girls have that I refuse to sell at a garage sale for like a $1. Well I have a girlfriend that is having a little girl so I am setting aside things for her. I take such good care of my things that I would want to sell their Christmas dresses for like $10 especially since they only wore them once and are still brand new! So I will be trecking onto the Ebay website to see how it does for me. I think I will have to go to the USPS website and see how much their flat rate shipping costs are and add that to the price of the items. Next is do I just sell them for what I want or do I have people bid for them? Choices choices. Well wish me luck, maybe since I'm not working and just taking care of the girls this will be my new side job!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Call of Midnight

The wind is howling like crazy...nothing worse than it keeping your baby up, along with her cold. I know something worse...it being x3!

I thought it was allergies at first, it still might be, I'll see and know more when the sun comes up. Their runny noses and congested little heads made it near impossible for anyone to get a nap in and made me not be able to shower due to said nap not being taken.

Fast forward to bed time and I know they are all over tired, but I am pleasantly surprised at how easy they went down. Until 30 minutes later when Kitty work up with an attitude like she had some revenge to get at me for something unknown. She was up until 11pm...ugh, well finally she went to sleep in my bed and I was content to leave her there, I was starting to fall asleep until I realized how cold the wind had made it feel in the house. All I could think was if Cisco had turned the thermostat off earlier today or left it on, it certainly felt like he turned it off. You know how when someone falls asleep on you and you do that awkward move to slide out of bed without disturbing them? (I like to think of it as the one night stand slide) well that is what I was doing to get out from under Kitty, it worked but left her close to the edge of the bed and all I could hope for was enough time to turn the heater up and come
Back to take her to her crib. Well, before I could make it down the first step Cici decided the wind was too much as well as her stuffy nose so in the room I went praying that a little holding would do the trick. It did and she fell back asleep fairly quickly. So down the stairs to let the dog out, turn the thermostat up and text Cisco begging for a reprieve. On my way back to my room to fetch a still sleeping Kitty, Cici woke again. Well I had decided that I better hope me transferring one dead sleeping baby to tend to a crying one didn't wake up more than the one that was already awake, it didn't.

So here I sit, rocking Cici listening to the wind do a number to the outside trees and the bench that keeps knocking against the railing on the front of the house (which I'm sure will wake up one of the girls later...again). I'm tired, I feel dirty and I just remembered my kitchen still has food siting out from dinner.

Oh well, like Scarlett O'Hara said "I can't think about that now, I'll think about that tomorrow".

Monday, March 5, 2012

This Little Light...

Sometimes I wish I could see the greatness, the light at the end of the tunnel. But all too often I only see the long days, filled with screaming, fighting and unhappiness from not being able to reach a sippy cup or not being able to have the last bite of oatmeal, I speak of the girls of course. There are those times in the day where it is pure bliss. Everyone is happy, they play nicely, get along, give kisses to each other and are so pleasant that I am amazed at the other feelings that I have of misery from time to time due to just being overwhelmed in general.

Right now is one of those times where no matter how hard we try they are just impossible to make happy, due to nap time fast approaching. One trip and fall leads to screaming and not being able to console, one snatch of a toy from another baby incites a riot of temper tantrums that eventually gets another involved as well. It just seems to pile up, there are always going to be good times and bad, but I think if I keep the bigger goal in mind I will be ok, the bright light made by three girls at the end of my tunnel.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Thursday, October 14, 2010

In the morning I was still not feeling well from the Morphine that I was given from my spinal and it was difficult to get up just to go to the bathroom without feeling like I was going to toss my cookies. I was pleasantly surprised over the pain situation though. I went through so much pain the next day after having Anthony and for several days afterward. But the recovery with the girls was surprisingly easy and not very painful at all. The main goal that the nurse put up on the wall for me that day was to feel better so that I could go and see my girls. Cisco was there when I woke up and stayed there through the morning and mid afternoon because I was still in and out of sleep. He told me the weight and length of the girls and I was just glad to hear that they were doing well and I wanted to go and see them. It was later in the afternoon that day when I was feeling well enough to go and see the girls. I got loaded up into the wheelchair and Cisco took me to go and see my girls.

It was so hard to go and see my babies. The first one that I saw was Catherine. She had the darkest hair and Cisco had won the bet for sure that they would have a full head of hair, cause they all did. She had so many wires and tubes hooked up to her. She looked so small. I just couldn't believe it. She had umbilical lines coming out of her belly button to monitor, as well as a little wire stuck to her with a little gold bear sticker to monitor her temperature. She was surrounded by her little "frog" pillows (which are like little bean bag pillows that snuggle them to simulate being in the womb) There were monitors for everything, several bags of medicine, and I know the nurse was explaining everything to me and telling me what everything was for but I didn't hear much of it. I was just heartbroken that I couldn't hold my baby girl. I NEEDED to hold her...but I couldn't. She wasn't ready to be held and she needed to rest.

Cisco wheeled me over to Cecilia and she was a bit smaller than Catherine. Everything was the same with her as it was with Catherine, but she got to bunk next to Charlie which was nice that they were close to eachother. Charlie was the smallest and the doctor said that she had a little fight to go still cause she was the sickest of the 3. Charlie was on a breathing machine to help her because she was having a hard time doing it herself. I cried a little when seeing Catherine and Cecilia but I was just tore up looking at Charlie. I wanted to break open that box take her out and hold her for hours upon hours. She was my tiny miracle. She was my baby that I knew right away what I wanted to name her. She was my baby that stayed up with me on those late graveyard nights dancing to the Beatles music that I would play for her. She was bullied out by her big sister and she wasn't ready to come out at all. I was so scared that things would get worse before they got better but the doctors and nurses as well as my husband kept telling me that I had to stay strong for my girls and that I had to be optimistic and think good thoughts. I had to use the time that I had in the hospital to focus on getting better so that I can come and see my girls more and more and spend more time with them. The only good side to being stuck in that hospital for 4 days was that I could go and see my girls when ever I wanted to go and whenever I was up to it.