Sunday, September 8, 2013

It's Not Always Fulfulling...

Sitting here drinking coffee looking back on the long long night before. I'm tired, Charlie was miserable with constipation yesterday. Screaming and pain ensued and so did a trip to the ER, this was the second trip within a few weeks for the same thing. This time around I'm pretty sure she screamed more than last time. Last time she had an IV put in on top of the two enemas that they gave her. Based on that experience the last time I'm not surprised. Non stop screaming, and trying to talk to my husband and the doctor at the same time just wears on my nerves. We were out of there around 10pm after getting there around 6, which isn't too bad. Two enemas and some meds later we were out of there and of course Charlie was demanding cookies. So we stopped at the store and got some bunny graham crackers and in the middle of the store she bends over and screams in pain. I knew this was going to happen but with the non stop begging for the cookies I gave in since she had been through so much that night already. The least I could do was to appease her and buy some graham crackers as a reward of sorts. While trying to check out she screams some more and with full hands (holding Charlie, purse, crackers and her baby doll) I am stopped by the checker asking if she would like a cookie and in my most polite voice that I can muster I inform her that my baby is sick and I'm trying to get home fast so that she's not more miserable than she already is. This woman wanted to rub her back and say sweet things to her, which is nice, but I was trying to get the hell out of there. Since I was starving and hadn't eaten anything that night I stopped by a drive thru window and while waiting my turn to order food I was looking into the restaurant and saw all types of different people eating. I was wondering at first who would want to go to Del Taco at 10:00 at night and sit and eat. Then I started to envy them. To be able to drop everything or to have been out at a movie and then decide with your friends or your husband/boyfriend "I'm hungry lets go eat something". I'm just assuming that there were no big responsibilities holding them down at home to be able to do this. Whenever I want to do this with my husband the question is always if there was going to be someone willing to stay with the girls and what time were we supposed to be back. But the biggest part that tore at me was seeing these teenagers in there sitting. I was just thinking back on when I was in high school and while listening to Charlie scream in the back of my mini van, I wondered to myself how in the hell I got to where I was now. If I could look back 15 years I know that I would never have seen myself with two teenagers and a set of triplets on my hands. I'm happy with my life mostly but, there are many times that I am more depressed and unhappy about the way things are unfolding than anything. This was definitely one of those moments. Getting home and situated with questions firing from my mom and the big kids plus Charlie screaming and crying is when I realized that I had forgot all of the paperwork that the nurse gave me with the prescriptions attached at the hospital. This was the point that I was ready to put a gun to my head, cause I just couldn't take much more. I called my husband to see about picking it up on his way home from work and also went through the web of transfers to get a hold of the ER nurse that helped us to see where I may have left it at. She was so nice and found it at the front desk for me. While trying to calm Charlie down and make her happy my mom was nice enough to offer to sit with Charlie and hold her so that I could go back to the hospital and get her prescriptions filled and I wouldn't have been too worried about it but she was still trying to poop since there was still some stuck in there. This medicine was going to help with her little colon that was out of control. So off to the hospital again and then to the pharmacy to get it all filled. Thankfully my son went with me to help with keeping me sane. I'm glad he did because he knows me so well. My daughter has such concern over the girls that she would have asked about the hospital and Charlie, which would be ok. But in that very moment I needed a release of sorts. My son is good at changing the subject and making a joke of everything so it was nice to have that small break. Upon getting home I was shoved back to reality, cause now it was time to give the damn medicine to Charlie and that was just great fun since there was a huge amount to give her. I was so tired at this point though, I wasn't mad or upset or overly miserable anymore. I was just ready for something to work on her, she was the miserable one and I just wanted her to be happy and I was so glad when my husband came home because it's always nice to have someone there that knows the deal, someone else there that can hold the baby and that the baby will be happy with. My brain was just done, and after giving her all the medicine I could hear it working in her belly and she was pushing gas out left and right which was helping with the pressure and in turn she was starting to sleep longer without interruptions. Off to bed I went while he stayed with we are all up and when I came downstairs she was happy, talking and playing. I'm so relieved. Now to start a new day and hopefully not one filled with drama and misery.

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