Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Tipping Point...

These girls have me at mine. They are three...there fight all...THE TIME. There are times where they get along so well. They don't fight they love one another and are very harmonious. It's just delightful. However, those days and times are so far and in between that it cancels it all out. I am brought near tears all too often. They don't come out very often, I hold it all in. I know that I shouldn't. I know that I should let it out...make it rain. But I can't. All too often there are other things going on and other tasks to be dealing with at the time, so I always decide that I will wait for a later time to let it all out. It doesn't end up happening. Most days (today in particular) I dislike my girls. I know that there are people that would gasp at a mom saying such a thing. One must remember that I will always love them with everything that I have but, there are many days where I just don't like them. It feels like the fighting and everything else that they do is on purpose. To try and push me and see how far it can go until I just snap and either go running out the door or locking them in a closet. None of the things have happened, except for running out of the door but my teenagers were here to take over so no harm. There are so many times that I want to find those moms that had twins when my girls were small and would always tell me how fast it all goes by and how you "don't remember" since you are always so busy and it gets easier as they get older. Well you are full of s*#t. I remember every single moment from birth. I am busy and that adds to the annoyance of the constant fighting and arguing, it doesn't get easier at all. Who are these people that say such things?! I know that the biggest difference is that they have 2 as opposed to 3. So many are quick to say that it's like having three cause I have a toddler and babies that are twins, they are close in age so it's like having triplets...hell no it's not. I'm not saying it's not hard, but it's not the same AT ALL...stop saying it. I wish to God that it did get easier as they got older and maybe when they are like 8 it will be, but I don't see it happening for a very long time. I haven't written here in a long time and maybe that is the problem. I need an avenue to get all the crap out on and I can't do it to my 2 teenagers, the triplets or my husband so I guess on here is the best way to do it. Every night my prayer is the same...please let the girls sleep through the night in their own room, please let the next day go smooth with as little fighting as possible and please let them be kind to each other and everyone else in the house. There are times when my prayer is answered and there are many, many, many, many more in which they are not. I try to find the silver lining in things often, because that is all that I can do. But there are some days when the screaming, the fighting, the crying...all of it, on top of what ever the teenagers are fighting or upset about just gets to be too much, then it is impossible to find the silver lining. I relish the evenings when they are finally winding down and don't have the energy to scream at the top of their lungs...that is when they are ready to just sit there and be quiet. Maybe tomorrow will be easier, maybe tomorrow they will take a nap and make it a little easier, maybe tomorrow they will realize they are sisters and be kind to one another. I doubt it.

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